Jane Doe

The Bugatti simply did not meet my needs, so I had to settle for something WWAAAYYYY sexier!

Who would have thunk it ... Hoochie Mama is actually a Material Girl!

And, I still need to name the beast. Makes me laugh. Prince William and Kate took a week to name their baby ... and the world waited with bated breath. I sigh with relief. After 7 months of motherhood - nobody cares that my child remains nameless. Maybe she should be "Jane Doe, the sexy Camaro".

Hoochie Mama

Here is Hoochie Mama all dressed up for a Cassadee Pope (and Rascal Flatts) concert. Trying my utmost to achieve that "Country Look". Which country? There is simply NO telling!

Bugatti Veyron

So I've been toying with the idea of a new car, and this one seems to suit my needs perfectly. Now, about my budget...mmm...

UN-beauty secrets

JJ - you created a monster! The shear look of horror on FF's face when he saw the pic was enough to make me scrub the last post. Apologies for the eye-sore to all who may have chanced upon the momentary ugliness!

New Puppies

Notice the FarmVille inspiration from a recent blog. Well, I need to get these little puppies in the ground! I'll (probably) be back later, to share the outcome. And, please all you fellow Farmers, do not hesitate to fertilize at your every opportunity.

Topiary

I think I have the world's most thoughtful and adoring boyfriend (I did not say adorable - focus, dear reader). FF and his dad are at Homestead racetrack this weekend (hopefully watching Tony Stewart win the final race of the season). What does he do before he leaves? He buys me the world's most lopsided topiary (he didn't even know what a topiary was in the pre-FarmVille days). And look at the sweet note! What a sweetheart - I think he loves me!

Facebook - FarmVille - Freak

So consumed by my pathetic passion for "farming" on Facebook, I have been neglecting to perform the fundamental daily tasks necessary to maintain a modicum of order in my life - sleeping, eating, laundry, blogging, petting my cat, making my bed, showering, changing my underwear (well - I can't dammit - I have nothing clean to put on)! Kudos to me though, I have managed to drag my sorry ass to the office every day - but even when I am there, my mind drifts off to Farmville: to the next harvest, to the next gifts to and from my nephew Gil, to the upcoming holiday season and all the fun accoutrements that will be up for grabs, to the next level and the anticipation of expanding my farm and my horizons. When I do manage to steal an hour or two of sheep-counting sleep, I wake up in a complete funk:

Do my fruit trees need plucking? (damn, I forgot all about my eyebrows)!
Do my cows need milking? (shoot, I forgot to get milk on the way home)!
Do my sheep need shearing? (rats, my wool sweater is dirty)!
Did I fertilze my friends' farms (oh geez - my birth control pills)!
Did I pet my cat before I left? (hell no, not Felix, you idiot - the stray cat that showed up on my farm)!

And so it has been going for the past month. But: "No more", I have said, "I have to get this new addiction under control"! I have implemented (no pun intended) a plan. It started with going to Home Depot yesterday, and purchasing some new plants - yes, real life plants, with real life dollars (well - I used my debit card, but you get the real life gist of it). That's why I was out in the bloody garden at 6.30 am this morning. Pfft - I had forgotten that in real life you can't simply click a button and, hey presto, the land is harvested. Oh no. This was blood, sweat and tears, baby! I did it though - the ploughing, that is. I have yet to plant the damned plants. But I will - at daybreak tomorrow, and I will post the 'before, during and after' pics, just to prove how committed I am to making a radical change in what has become my pathetic little life. Suffice to say, the Farmville picture above is the inspiration for my new planting arrangement.

Enough of this blogging business, I need to go and tend my farm! See y'all tomorrow.

Aah - Florida

So many things we are fortunate enough to experience in Florida ... space shuttle launches being one of them. This is the view from my back porch. Awesome stuff!

Beauty Secrets

When you need to look your absolute best, stand next to the ugliest duckling in the room.

This "beauty secret" of mine guarantees the maximum result with minimal effort.

Almost a month - and no new blog. I'm sure y'all are sick of looking at my old boots. Soon, people , soon. Patience rewards those that wait!

Boots

so
many
boots -
so
little
time.

socks
and
stockings -
a'
whole
'nother
blog
!

My BFF

Digby Wallet...

...and Warren Eisele, and me. When Digby and I weren't sharing my tresses, we were drinking cold beer and and perving at hot women at the Umhlanga Surf Life Saving Club, amongst many other places: Cottonfields, Joe Kools, The Cattleman, Jack Rabbits, The Sands, Bonkers, Harleys, Cool Runnings, The Hard Rock, Funkies, Hotel California, Yazoo, Billy the Bums, The Westville....etc., etc., and literally "add" nauseum. Man - we had such great times.

This was a true friend...a bon-vivant and a confidante. He would have been my Best Friend Forever if the bloody cancer hadn't taken him away. He is still with me though, ever present! I have the occasional "Stoli and cranberry juice" with him. I still share my affairs of the heart with him. He still listens, and he never judges. We still laugh together. I still cry on his shoulder. He has the patience of a saint and the heart of a lion.

He used to say to me: "When my daughters grow up, I want them to be just like you". What greater compliment could there be? I try to live up to his expectations. Digby, I hope I never fail you! I miss you buddy! A LOT!!!

A few of my favourite things

This is George - my adopted grandpa!

George is one of my favourite things. This man could dance the hind leg off a donkey! He was always the life and soul of the party; boy, did the ladies love him! And no - that is not lipstick on his upper lip...it's a sort of time piece. The intensity of the red wine stain on Georgie's upper lip got darker as the afternoon/evening wore on. When it was noticeable from 10 feet away, I knew it was home time....not for him, for me! That man could maintain. He outdid us all, and I miss him a LOT!

Other fave things in this pic are my Corona, my fake nose-ring, my LBH (affectionately referred to by all as the lesbian biker hat), my tassled pleather bra-shirt, and my Mitsubishi Spyder (maroon nose to the RHS of the tree). Well, sad to say - all of these things are mere memories to me now.
Georgie has gone to heaven; the Corona has been consumed; the fake nose ring got sucked up by my vacuum cleaner; the old LBH is "missing in action" (along with countless keys, lighters, sunglasses, cell-phones, etc.); the pleather shirt disintegrated and old Mitsi got replaced by a younger model.
Man - how can a girl lose so much good stuff in the space of 2 short years. Rock on, George!

Apologies

I realized today that I'm not comfortable entertaining negativity. I posted a blog which was rather meanish to two people. They are both good people, and don't deserve to be publicly admonished or berated by me. This will not happen again. I enjoy my blog for its' lightheartedness, and I will make a concerted effort to maintain a modicum of decorum and my self-deprecating sense of humour at all times.

Midlife crisis

Mid-life crisis dressing. ..

Why didn't I dress this outrageously when I was young and hot? It would have been more appropriate then than now. Oh well - this transitional period between youthful pimples and middle aged wrinkles becomes increasingly interesting and enlightening. Inhibitions have fallen by the wayside. I have come to accept that nobody is perfect, and that the dimple in my thigh makes me feminine, femininity never being one of my traits. Tomboyishness and tomfoolery yes - they were the very fiber of my youthful being. But the mature me will embrace being a woman, I will grow up - not graciously - but grateful. Grateful for health, peace and pleather.

Drive Through Bar

This is a conveniently located drive-through bar which I have been known to frequent...beer being my life-sustaining beverage of choice...

I speed up, and muscle my way in to the ever lengthening line of fierce imbibers...this place is renowned for its' cold beer and hot women...

Aaarggh...they closed up shop just as I got to the window...is there no justice...please...I will even settle for hot beer and cold women....anything...hello...help...please...sob...?

Selective Memory

Funny how the mind chooses to recall certain memories, and totally obliviate others.
I want total recall of everything I have done - the good, the bad, and the ugly. My friend (Old Man Bob) and I had a deep discussion one inebriated evening about the mind and its' selective powers. I just wish I could remember the details...

The Listeners

...Marge Dawson emailed me this pic, and I think the stillness of it suits the de la Mare poem that is constantly on the brink of my sub-conscious.

THE LISTENERS by: Walter de la Mare (b. 1873)
"Is there anybody there?" said the Traveller,
Knocking on the moonlit door;
And his horse in the silence champ'd the grasses
Of the forest's ferny floor...
...etc....

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/the-listeners/

one-rule scrabble

Conventional Scrabble tends to get boring, so I created my own version. The point of the game is for the players to get the maximum combined score, and only one rule applies....if you can pronounce the word, you can use it. Needless to say - it was tongue-twistingly hilarious. To add another dimension - conjur up a meaning for each word. You will be surprised at how creative (and freaking stoooopid) you can be!

P.S. Please excuse the cruddy state of the board - it has been around the world a few times, and seen a lot more action than I could ever hope to have.

Angel

Sweet, sweet music to my ears and eyes. I love Sarah Brightman!















http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dwP8Q1I9Vs&feature=related

P.S. We love you!

Pokerstars is the most amazing site. How many hours of my life have I whiled away playing the inane and innocuous game of Texas Hold 'Em? Way too many to contemplate. But - hang on - lookee here - "someone" at the table has just won over a mill - the mighty Racemutt ! Well done buddy - we are not worthy. Well, at least not that night we weren't. Lacemutt and lcanon limped home miserably.
P.S. We still love you!
http://www.pokerstars.com/

Techno Cat

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Saturday Night Recipe:

2 laptops,

2 beers,

2 ashtrays,

2 packs of cigarettes,

2 cellphones,

2 manic poker players

1 cat

All adds up to a fun evening at home!

...go back to bed

...what a day...it's not even 7am and i've already stepped in dog poop, been attacked by a mockingbird, got blisters from my new walking shoes and i'm out of coffee. i'm going back to bed!

R.E.M.

this one goes out to the one i love

this one goes out to the one(s) i left behind

a simple wig

a fake tattoo

michael stipe, this is all for you

To Iwo Jima aka The Hawaiian Connection

JJ - your wish is my command.
This one is for Iwo Jima, Fleury, Letang and Crosby.

And of course all the manical and ecstatic Pens fans out there.

Now please stop harassing me for pics!

Blog-Ode to Blogging

What is my life, if the daily slog,
Leaves me no time to update my blog.

No time to sit in this peaceful house,
And share my thoughts of Vivaldi and Strauss.

No time to sit and glorify van Gogh,
Or the brilliant work of Mies van der Rohe.

No time to talk of my globetrotting days,
Of crazier times, in a decadent haze.

No time to dispense didactic meditations,
Of global warming or my cat's vaccinations.

A poor life this is, if the daily slog,
Leaves me too drained to update my blog.

With thanks and sincere apologies to William Henry Davies, Author of the poem "Leisure"

Atonement

Now, this is more like it.

GO BRONCOS!

Geez - this was taken at the Dolphins Stadium, in front of the Finhead van, back in 2001...a couple of years before Deb and Steve moved back to Colorado.

Portrait

a lovely computer generated pencil rendering

Memory

icy moments, crystal gems, condensed in time, glaciated mind

Frogs

यू गोत्ता लव ठेस लिटिल क्रेअतुरेस.

Heaven

azure skies, emerald waves, berry brown bodies and freedom

Afflictions

Some people are afflicted with passions beyond their control. Here - I am not so afflicted by the alcohol and nicotine...the problem is that I am all dolled up in Dolphins gear...WTF...I thought I was a Broncos fan. I promise, this will not happen again!

Introduction

Well, being as computer illiterate as I am, this blog, if it works, should end up in the Guinness Book of records as the greatest fluke, ever...